Thursday, March 07, 2013

Hilarious: Why we need a badass pope

Advisory: This post contains impolite language. If you find such language offensive, stop reading here. I personally found the post as insightful as I found it amusing.


André-Joseph Léonard

James Noel Ward, "Desperately Seeking Conservative Pope" (Taki's Magazine: Cocktails, Countesses & Mental Caviar, February 28, 2013). Exceprts:
Very soon all eyes will turn to Rome and mainstream media will have dissident “Catholics” bloviating away on the boob tube. They will be “very very disappointed” when the cry “Habemus Papam!” is heard and will dejectedly say, “This selection has put the Church back hundreds of years.”

I can’t wait.

The Church is in a state of sloth from suckling on the state’s teat because most Catholic charities around the world are funded by grants, not the faithful. Priests have disappeared from their confessionals and rectories to hang out in louche leather bars. Lawsuits and inner-city decay have bankrupted dioceses around the world. Folks in Europe don’t even pretend the Church exists anymore. So we do not need a black pope, we do not need a pastoral pope, we do not need a friendly pope, and we do not need some smiling old forgettable jackass. We need a son of a bitch pope. We need an unsmiling grumpy old man who says things such as “Get your ass to work on corporal works of mercy or you’ll go to hell” and “Now, therefore, we declare, say, define, and pronounce that for every human creature it is altogether necessary for salvation to be subject to the authority of the Roman pontiff.” If talking-head media libtard gasbags squawk, he can always use the papal form of the old F.U.: “I shall remember you in my intentions at Mass.” (emphasis added)

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[Hat tip to C.B.]


5 comments:








Greg

said...

The language may be "badass," but the thought is dead serious. I hear so many people hoping for someone like Dolan.

No doubt he would be popular with the neo-conservative, neo-catholic middle. He and his type, though, would be disastrous for the ship of St. Peter these days.

When the ship is taking on water like a sieve, what you need is someone like Ward describes, a fellow who can call a spade a spade and do something about repairing the ship.

Thanks for the post. I'll have to take another look at Taki's Magazine. Looks good.





Ralph Roister-Doister

said...

Taki was a contributor to the National Review for decades. Sort of a literary Kojak, though because his was a mostly European focus, I didn't pay that much attention to his work.

Let's face it, Catholic journalism is not worth the effort of reading it. It is theology according to the formula of Busby Berkeley's synchronized swimming musicals, and catechetics according to the Smurfs. On the one hand, you have Sr Joan Plowhorse and her "I don't enjoy being a girl, Papa, want to make something of it?" ideological coven. On the other hand you have the emasculated neo-Cath malt shop swiggers of EWTN, Nat Cat Reporter, and Ignatius Press. It is putrid stuff, devoid of real Catholics, who know damn well that they are sinners on their best days, and have no use for lisping pecksniffs trying to tell them they are saints simply for existing. Mr Ward's great value as a Catholic journalist is that he is not likely to remind anyone of Barney.

As for his ideas about the next pope: down wit dat. We don't need another pointy-headed academician full of harebrained nuptial metaphors and trinitarian sexual fantasies as pope: give me a guy with a deadly right cross, one-directional footwork, and a jaw made of scrap iron.





Scott W.

said...

I have little use for Cdl. "This isn't about contraception" Dolan and his waving the U.S. Constitution around as if it had a divine imprimatur, but I think "disastrous" might be a bit strong. I'm not too worried because I don't there is any way he (or any American for that matter) will be elected. However, the nutty that NCR and Andrew Sullivan would throw if Cdl. Burke were elected alone would be worth it. I can see the editorials now: "This sets the Church back hundreds of years!" May it be so!





I am not Spartacus

said...

Let's face it, Catholic journalism is not worth the effort of reading it. It is theology according to the formula of Busby Berkeley's synchronized swimming musicals, and catechetics according to the Smurfs. On the one hand, you have Sr Joan Plowhorse and her "I don't enjoy being a girl, Papa, want to make something of it?" ideological coven. On the other hand you have the emasculated neo-Cath malt shop swiggers of EWTN, Nat Cat Reporter, and Ignatius Press. It is putrid stuff, devoid of real Catholics, who know damn well that they are sinners on their best days, and have no use for lisping pecksniffs trying to tell them they are saints simply for existing. Mr Ward's great value as a Catholic journalist is that he is not likely to remind anyone of Barney.

Ralph has the eyes of a Lynx while the popular "apologists" have the eyes of moles. He not only sees the truth of the situation he writes about it with grave humor.

I'll take Ralph every day of the week and twice on Sunday and y'all can have the popular apologists; with them, all you get is Tofu, with Ralph, you get steak - and it is sizzling.





Sheldon

said...

"Ralph has the eyes of a Lynx while ..." etc.

I most heartily second that!